|
Elisheva Schoenfeld INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES G Gallstones G. removed by
surgery reminds patient of "Do not have two different stones (weights)
in your bag." (Deut. 25; 13) - 2225 Gambler(s) G. has marked
cards and wins the games. - 1323 Gamblers
quarrel among themselves. - 2235 Generals The Jewish g.
of the French army were responsible for the defeat of the Germans in World
War I. - 2784 Generation Corrupted
g. is signified by the cohanim taking a walk in the cemetery. - 692 Gentile(s)
(see also: "Jew(s)")
G.
accuses Jews of having tortured (killed) their god. - 2014, 2015 G.
arouses five problems in eating salted herring. - 837 G.
asks Jew to bless him and his prophet. - 2026 G.
complains that Jew does not take off his hat in front of icon. Jew claims he
had known it as a piece of wood. - 2016 G.
is crazy after wine; a Jew, God forbid, is not. - 867 G.
derides Jew riding with head towards rear of animal. - 2069 G.
may err (in matters of diet). - 1241 G.
insults Jew who retaliates with indecent gesture. - 1932 G.
and Jew; commercial connections. Payment to be made on arrival of Messias. - 89 G.
and Jew contemplate gallows. - 1974, 1975 G.
and Jew on a garden bench. G. admires the green of trees. - 1971 G.
and Jew. What is the head of each one for? - 111
G.
and Jew in restaurant; the one eats fish, the other pore cutlet. - 2046 G.
laborer and Jewish laborer. - 3052 .
G.
does not let apartment to Jew. - 3059 G.
maiden married by Jewish boy serves as his cure. - 3056 G.
may be miser and reluctant in paying five rubles fine for slaying a Jew. -
1890 G.
professor does not know remedy for a disease two thousand years old. - 913 G.
sitting on a garden bench does not permit a Jew to sit there too. - 1970 G.
tax collector comes to teacher of small children. - 1112 G.
tests three times the sickle he buys from Jew. - 1365 G.
woman or Jewess has come to paradise? A renegade is able to "smell"
the difference. - 1425 G.
woman's milk permitted to Jews. - 3055 "A
1ittle fellow of theirs is more of a g. than I," said an old renegade
censor of Hebrew literature. - 1408 God
of g. was consumed by fire; god of Jews is still living. - 2017 If
the pale-faced, hunchbacked and narrowbreasted g. were a Jew he would be a
great master. - 362 Mead
is prepared by g. and bee. - 886 Thirsty
g. drinks three glasses. When Jew is thirsty he is afraid he has diabetes. -
2081 Two
g. women of the rabbi; the one for meat (flesh), the other for milk. - 606 Gentiles
ask rabbi to pray for two harvests a year. - 2041 G.
claim Jewish barkeeper to be foolish. - 888 G.
destroy the Jew's inn. (Chain of accidents). - 2060 G.
preceded the Jews in appropriating three beautiful gifts from Heaven. - 1609 G.
profit by their trade but Jews do not. - 2 G.
remove stone from way; Jews wait until work is done. - 3051 G.
riot against Jews. One Hassid to another: "Why does your rabbi do
nothing about it?" - 3016 G.
are like trees, Jews like thistles. - 1969 G.
want to hear Jewish jokes. - 2082 G.
wonder why Jews do not convert to their religion. - 2020 Even
g. are circumcised in Erets Israel. - 2610 Fifty
g. in Katriliwke which has three hundred Jewish families. - 2056 How
the g. set the train in motion. - 2118 If
the g. were given the Tora. - 1947 King's
guard comprised of tall g. - 461 Purim
the great holyday of the g. - 2018 Two
g. are better than one Litwak. - 2689 Gipsy G.
is not redhaired but still a swindler. - 1312 G.
sells horse after he had driven a nail into one of its feet. - 1313 Girl (see
also: "Maiden(s)") G.
enters shop shortly after Sabbat and buys half a pint of kerosene. - 28 G.
working in citrus grove prunes one branch too much. Reprimanded be proprietor
(pun). - 2960 Little
g. claims she cannot dance in Hebrew but only in German. - 3153 Glutton (see
also: "Beggar(s)") G.
claims angels to be unnecessary during meal on outgoing Sabbat. - 810 G.
claims he can eat thirty dumplings but eats only twenty-five. (Last five
dumplings satisfy.) - 819, 1136 G.
invited by Hassid for Purim takes number of pancakes in relation to
"Ehod mi yodea", ("one who knows"). - 812 G.
loves to eat a lot of the best food (Kuschlewski). - 824 G.
on Seder Night demands dumplings first before reading the Haggadah,
abbreviates the reading and goes to sleep. - 81
When
g. eats everything and everyone are dead to him. - 815 Goat (see
also: "Chelm and its people", "Teacher(s)") G.
must get accustomed to smell of Jew's house. - 2852 G.
is bought for sick rabbi. - 387 G.
bought by teacher believed to give three liters per day. - 551 G.
will not die if its skin is pledged to charity. - 183
G.
bound to gate of bankrupt man. - 95 G.
led out of room which then seems no more crowded. - 192
G.
cannot stand the smell of Jew. - 2851 Good
billy g. marked by soft udder; long tail and big horns. - 1104 "Male
g. or billy g." - 2603 Male
g. mistaken for billy g. - 182, 1104 Sick
g. does not drink and dies. Man drinks great amount of wine since he does not
want to die. - 843 God(s) G.
asked every nation whether it wanted to accept the Tora. - 1858 G.
had breasts grown on man to suckle babe. - 1871 G.
and cheese, both are allegories in Soviet Russia. - 2826 G.
created boundaries between His realm and that of man. Trespassing is
punished. - 2013 G.
created the pleasures of this world for amusing the idiots and the
ignoramusses. - 408 G.
feeds the overholy with meat of unslaughtered leviathan. - 400 G.
hears heretics' conversations. - 1829 G.
helps (with rain) when amount of milk is to be enlarged. - 54 G.
humbles the wealthy. - 224 G.
likened to coachman. - 3127 G.
loves the Jews. - 1950 G.
pays his host of angels as much as a poor community its four rabbis. - 402 "G.
will provide" for Modke's children in the future. - 4
G.
does not see him, neither does he see G. - 1420 G.
provides the rich and the poor with different supplies for Passover. -2994 "G.
never soils His hand by picking up money lost in filth." - 334 "G.
(R. Meir) can't take a joke." - 996 Houses
of Jew and Christian alike have been burned down. So has the G. of the latter
while the G. of the former is still in existence. - 2017 If
G. had created ice on river in Tammuz, it would have been better. - 1872,
(2089) If
G. were to punish Alexander III He had him carry a Jew's passport in
Petersburg. - 1930 "If
there is a G. one must pray and weep," says Blumenthal, "But if
there is no G. one must weep the more." -
1830 "If
G. wills, even a broom (stick) shoots." - 2773, 2747 A
miracle happened to G. on Rosh Hashanah: Abraham did not kill Isaac. - 1841
There is no G. but there is a law and a judge in the universe. - 1855 Many
gods were reduced to three by Christians. Jews could never make such a
reduction. - 2008 Goldsmith Foolish
g. appointed to fictitious office. - 1836 Governor G.
of Wilna visits the synagogue which had been cleaned for the guest. - 2841 New
g. also invites Jews to a festivity held in his honor. Anti-Semitic remarks.
- 1940 New
provincial g. claims to be a second Haman. - 1939 Tyrannical
g. Zinowjew of Petersburg compared with Marat. - 2809 Graf G.
ignorant of Jewish rites outbids wealthy man of the community in buying the
calling up to the Tora. - 2061 G.
orders his Jew to buy a fox (-terrier). Jew ignorant of kinds of dogs. - 19 G.
visits Rothschild while latter is busy with studying a ledger. The banker
absentmindedly offers two chairs to his visitor. - 2064 Drunken
g. torments his Jewish taxcollector and orders him to make swimming motions
before his guests. - 1919 Polish
g. borrows money from Jew but "is late" in paying the debt. - 73 Polish
g. borrows money from Jew, signs promissory note and has Jew swallow it. - 71 Polish
g. to Jewish winedealer on day of Zionist convention: "Onions and garlic
seem to be expensive today." - 1982 Polish
g. is sure Jew does not know him and wants to borrow money. - 72 Graindealer(s)
G.
falls down the stairs. - 46 G.
having stored grains during drought:" The harvest is good. God have
mercy on us." - 45 Two
graindealers meet. One curses the other for making the encounter brief. -
1895 Grandfather G.
decries grandson's handwriting. - 695 G.
is reluctant to go with grandson und see bullfighters. - 355 Difference
between g. and grandson: G. took care not to touch the bread of gentile
whereas grandson never cares touching a gentile's daughter. (pun) - 1686 Grandmother G.
is pleased with present generation. None of the young men pester her any
more. - 711 Grandson G.
of Esau meets Noah in Heavenly Court. - 3053 G.
of famous rabbi only knows two benedictions. - 612 "Great
people" G.
p. were never born in his shtetl; only little ones were born there. - 1135 Guard G.
asked to keep an eye on squash leaves, and the squash is stolen. - 1905 G.
of pawnbroker's office revered for watching over man's coat and watch. - 3166
G.
of pawnbroker's office woken up in the middle of the night by Jew whose watch
has been pawned. - 66 Guest(s) (see
also: "Beggar(s)", "Inn") G.
from Africa thinks little of Tel-Aviv's summer heat. - 3151 G.
of "Bezallel" Art School ridiculed. - 3110 G.
finds small letters of the Gemara difficult to read. - 1260 G.
of importance says wrong benediction over spice container (pun). - 1184 G.
permitted to sing in synagogue has no voice. - 519 G.
refuses to be mediator between husband and wife. - 242
G.
for Sabbat (Elijah the Prophet). - 2972 G.
of Tel-Aviv blesses new port. - 2645 G.
in town looking for a doctor. - 3121 Hungry
g. and stingy host. - 292 |