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Elisheva Schoenfeld INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES A Absurd A. ignorance of child bearing. - 549 A. sanctification of Sabbat. - 1766 A. search for the lost. - 389, 1091
Absurd lack of logic A good merchant does not die before
being declared bankrupt three times. If he died without being bankrupt once
he does so before his time is up. - 57 Mother thinks winedealer would
prefer elderly daughter to young girl since he prefers old wine to new. – 3048 Oxen are slaughtered and eaten, and
horses are not. Yet there are more oxen than horses. Answer: Horses are
stolen and oxen are not. - 1005 Sleeping in summer house man was
cold, but would have become a pillar of ice if he had slept in winter house.
- 1008 Absurd scientific theories Clouds thought to be like sponges. - 2115 Density of moon population thought to be greatest at
new moon. - 2125 Heat expands material, therefore longer days in
summer. - 1120 Account book A. b. of foolish deeds. - 172
Accountant (see also: "Banker(s)") A. explains the meaning of double entry in book
keeping. - 76 The a. Mendelsohn declares:
"God's ways are just. The coarse man is only rich, but I have my wisdom
and riches are unnecessary." - 159 Actress A. Karoline Neuber needed money for
her theatre. Asking for a loan from Meier the latter flatly refuses because
of her arrogance. - 75 Actors The Georgian a. of the Tiflis
theatre made the audience weep whenever they were on stage. In Moscow one Georgian
made all Russia weep. - 2819 A group of a. were forbidden to
perform in Peterstrurg since they were not craftsmen. - 1929 Aeroplane German a. drops broom on Russian
position for cleaning certain public buildings. - 2767
Age A. cannot be determined by date of baptism. - 1397 How to tell one's a. - 1993 Agent(s) A. of insurance firm tries hard to
convince a person to buy a policy. - 174 A. of real estate firm offers house
near (or far from) river. - 20 A. seeking shelter from rain in a
factory whose shares had dropped from 200 to 120 is told by doorman to be off
"even at the point of 120." - 3137 Two travelling a. stay in hotel and
sleep with maid who later gives birth to twins. - 1817
"Agudat Ha'elef" A. bought Ein Zeitim which proved
to be a failure, (pun). - 2661 Alimony "A. must be paid until today
following Abraham's divorce from Hagar," said after first proposal of
division of Palestine in 1937. - 2686 Anarchists A. and Rothschild. - 260
Angel(s) A. of Death, the brother-in-law of
beggar. - 340 A. of Death never comes to shtetl
B. for rich people. – 229 "A. of Death is eruv
tavshilim," tax collector's wife so informs her ignorant husband. - 1229
A. of Death and rich man are hated
although they give jobs to many people. - 180 A. of Death's attention drawn to
Hassidic rabbi's wife by Russian name plate. - 1622 A. guarding the ram's horn:
Shimshiel, Hadraniel, Tartiel. - 631 Antisemitic (see also: "Officer(s)", "Rabbi and
Gentiles") A. slogans screeched by parrot. - 3066 A. speaker of 19th cent. claims
that the thousands think like him. - 1944 Antisemitism "A. the more it spreads the
more Jews will turn to Zionism." (T. Herzl) - 3107
Apartment A. of barber under repair. – 3088 A. not let to Jews. - 3059 A. in Moscow thanks to party membership.
- 2833 A. returned to owner with bugs,
according to contract. - 2867 "You rented the a. near the
house on fire, not I," says fool to wife. - 1090
German Jew asks to rent for him a.
in Erets Israel, but not in Jewish Quarter. - 2611 Apology A. worse than misconduct. - 3005, 3140 D'Acosta's a. of one whom he had
hurt: "You said the truth, I am the liar…" - 2578 Equivocal a.. - 365, 366 Application A. of Germans to Heaven answered
after seventeen years. - 3165 A. of maiden to minister. - 1998 Arab A. leaders came to their ruler and
suggested an armistice for five days in order to get a rest. - 2679 A. leaders objected to the Jewish
broadcasting announcers naming the country "Erets Israel" and not
"Palestine". - 2682 An A. shot at the legal adviser of
the government and injured the posterior. - 2674 Archbishop A. and bishop, both of Jewish
descent send gentile beadle for censer. - 2039 Army Russian a. does not accept anyone
who has a hernia. – 2712 Russian a. has reached suburb of
Warsaw on the eve of its conquest. - 2765 Ass A. to Lenin during famine seeking
privilege of getting food: "Without the a. you would not be able to
exist for one hour". - 2804 Aunt(s) Old a. visits gentile cemetery in
America since Jewish one is out of her reach. - 3073
A. advise mother on whom to call
for the cure of sick child. - 951 Author(s) A. of almanac teaches the secret of
his weather forecasts to his son. - 566 A. asks R. Eizel for approval of
his treatise and the rabbi's beadle to accompany him in the dark. - 573 A. asks R. Fosbieler for approval
of his commentary on the Book of Proverbs. - 568 A. asks R. Gershon for approval of
his book. Latter is reluctant to do so. - 569 A. asks rabbi for approval of his
commentary on Ecclesiastes. Rabbi finds that he has made a fool of King
Salomon. - 576 A. comes to R. Eizel asking for
approval of his treatise "Hands of Moses". - 570 A. has his commentary to Torah
printed with the text. - 572 A. by name of Jacob asks R. Malbim
for approval of his treatise. The rabbi does not see any message in it. - 575
A. presents his book to rich man
who pays the price but does not keep it. - 579 A. presents his latest work to rich
man on eve of Passover hoping to be rewarded. - 578 A. presents his already printed book
to R. Rosen. Latter found to his surprise that there is a printing press in
Grajewo. 2404 A. submits his book to R. Eizel for
approval claiming to have already got such tram some others. - 2341 A. submits his book to R. Eizel for
approval. Latter advises him to guard the manuscript so that it would not
fall into the hands of some gentile. - 2343 A. submits his book to R. Eizel for
approval. Latter advises him to run away as fast as possible since his wife
might get angry. - 2342 A. submits his book to R. Eizel for
approval. Latter sends him to offer his book to a man who deals in stolen
goods. 2344 A. submits his book to R. Menashe
for approval. Latter shows his criticism by having the author eat soup with a
fork. - 2318 A. submits his commentary on
Lamentations to R. Eizel asking for his remarks. - 577 A. submits his commentary on Rashi
to R. Feivel for approval claiming to have been praised by many. - 567 A. submits his treatise to R. Eizel
for approval. Latter leaves a big space between text of approval and
signature. - 571 Young a. comes to Spektor asking
him for appraisal of his book. While reading Spektor falls asleep. - 3108 Two a. ask R. Melzer for approval
of their commentary on Baba Kama Tractate. The rabbi suggests a title. - 574 |