Elisheva Schoenfeld

INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION

OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES

I

Identity

Mistaken i. - 435, 1141, 1142, 3005, 3140

Ignoramus(ses). (see also: "President" , "Taxcollector(s)")

I. applies for the office of rabbi. - 3006

I. is asked about the letters "Kof-Kof" ("holy commumity"). - 1186

I. asks the meaning of "O sea that you fled. O Jordan that you turned back." (Ps. 114; 5). - 1177, 1178

I. asks for solution of three "hard problems" he had discovered in prayer book. - 1176

I. believes that the kid of the song in-the Haggadah must have been stolen. - 1778

I.' blessing of the lions. (Pun). - 1172

I. boasts of his son supposingly knowing 5000 pages of the Talmud. - 1256

I.' commentary on "Korah son of Izhar..." (Num. 16; 1). - 1179

I. in conflict with masculine and feminine grammatical forms of pronouns. - 1170

I. makes "corrections" in the Talmud. - 1244

I. "corrects" Tora reader who calls for person to read a lesson from the Prophets. (Pun). - 1224

I. covers head with prayer shawl on Sabbat. - 1195

I. on deathbed desires to learn law pertaining to death. - 1254

L 'dispute on Purim, if and when the "Hallel"-Prayer is finished. - 1183 (1222)

I. declares that there are three persons by the name of "Moses". - 1171

I. is dying. Has his last problem solved by the prayer-book itself. - 1192

I. in Jewish matters is asked by father-in-law to say benediction over the Tora. - 1204

I. does not know the meaning of "eruv tavshi1im". Looks through the window of the rabbi's house. Comic results. - 1229 (958, 1217)

I. not knowing what he prays in Hebrew shouts: All I mean is: Oh God! I need a job!" - 2979

I. mistakes Yehuda son of Jacob for R. Yehuda of the Haggadah. - 2195

I.' misunderstanding of "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." (Gen. 1;1). - 1181 (Pun)

I.' misunderstanding of "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Pun). (Exod. 14; 14). - 1180

I. proves that the dead must be buried on the day of death. - 1169

I. becomes rich and is declared scholar. - 1257

I. says eighteen benedictions according to Ashkenazi as well as Sephardic version. - 1201

I. says wrong blessing over spices at the end of Sabbat. - 1184

I. send wife to neighbor for learning preparation of Passover. Comic results. - 958 (1217, 1229)

I. Shalom and scholar Gimpel exchange letters. Gimpel's pun on Shalom misunderstood by Shalom. - 1258

I. shows the greatness of the Hebrew grammar. - 1189

I. told to say half of "Halle1" at the beginning of the month. Takes a thread and measures half length in prayer book. - 3084

I. wants to know what community does when kneeling on Yam Kippur. - 959

I. wants to know why prayer book is reluctant to have the Evil Impulse getting married. - 1190

I. wants to know the real name of the King of Sodom. - 1191

I. wants to know whether an egg laid on a holiday may be consumed. - 1188

I. wonders about commemoration of Maimonides' 800th anniversary. - 3086

Hassidic rabbi declared i. - 637

Rabbi with doctor title declared i. - 460

Rich i. on a seat reserved for scholars in the synagogue wonders about the meaning of the animal being placed near man in Psalm 36; 7. - 1197

Rich i. pays for being "bridegroom of the Tora" on Simhat Tora. - 1198

Rich i. pretends to read Rambam's book when asked for a contribution for the redemption of prisoners. - 1194

Rich i. wonders about his neighbors at the Eastern Wall of the synagogue, the one has tooth ache and the other haemorrhoids. - 1196

Ignoramuses are angry with scholars and build a synagogue of their own. - 1228

Ignorance

I. about the significance of stamps on letters. - 1144

Imitation

I. of diagnosis by observation: you have eaten a horse. - 906

Immigrant(s)

(Tristan Bernar) to the Land of Israel right after the Balfour-Declaration intends to "open a non-kosher butcher-shop." - 2615

New i. has learned proverb but doesn't remember author. - 2639

New i. learns Hebrew by means of mnemotechnics. Comic results. -2640 (1232)

New i. is ordered: "Jew, speak Hebrew!" - 2612

New i. sent to milk cows. Wants to learn on calf. - 2658

New i. watches cow being milked. Wants to know how the tap is closed. - 2660

Immigration

Before his i. man is asked to visit Esau's grave in the Holy Land and pray for the wellbeing of Jacob's sons. - 3072

Impostors

I. in disguise of zaddik and his treasurer. – 638

Informer(s)

I. was beaten up in Pinsk. - 1447

I. claims that his characteristics and those of zaddik are equal: Both love money and cheat. - 625

I. died leaving a son. Kaleb cries for the i. leaving without son. - 1449

I. sentenced to be whipped in public. - 1446

I. teaches his son the secrets of his "trade". - 1448

On death of i. (Lipmans) hassidim cite: "There is joy in your country and gladness in your city." - 672

Inn. (see also: "Innkeeper")

I. in village has no food for its guests. - 804

Guest of i. "heals" swollen cheek of chamber maid by kissing her on the mouth. - 778

How the i. of the Jew was destroyed. (Chain of accidents). - 2060

Innkeeper

I. advises guest to use bathroom at noon when all the flies are in the dining room. - 3125

I. asks guest about his sleep. Answer: "I did well but the bugs did not." - 773

I. asks guest about his sleep. Answer: "Half of the night I was drunk and slept; the other half the bugs were drunk and slept." - 768

I. asks guest to sleep fast since another guest is waiting for the cushion. - 776

I. complains to rabbi about two guests from Warsaw who had left the housemaid pregnant. - 1050

I. commenting on the bugs in his room: "Do you prefer elephants?" - 771

I. to guest complaining about dirty sheets: "you never see them anyway." - 3124

I. demands from Hershele payment for his meals. Hershele suggests they both go begging. - 779 .

I. exchanges teacher's billy goat for male goat. - 1058

I. has meal brought to guest's room. Complaint about quality of food and sloven servant. - 777

I. makes nothing of dead bug in guest's room. Guest: "But you should have seen the funeral!" - 772

I. opens notebook with bug crawling inside. - 770

I. prepares water for guest to wash his hands in the morning. - 1075

I. in Petersburg negotiates bribe with officer of secret police. - 1928

I. prevents guest from sleeping by chanting psalms during the night. - 1153

I. sells brandy like gentile. - 1734

I. sells his nose and that of his wife to guest. - 2974

I. wakens heretic guest for selihot. - 1840

I. welcomes R. Zusya and R. Elimelekh with food and lodging. - 205

I.'s servant wakens guest early in the morning. He needs the table cloth the guest is sleeping on. - 775

I.'s servant wakens guest twice during the night. – 774

I.'s wife miscalculates payment due to her from guest. - 1070

I.'s wife has difficulty in satisfying thirsty coachman. - 856

I.'s wife has no food for guests. - 295, 345 (804)

I.is wife threatens boy with giving him to greedy guest who should eat him up too. - 813

Hershele volunteers to marry ugly daughter of i. - 1608

Inquisitive Fools (see also: "Ignoramus(es)")

How does boiling water know it has reached 100⁰C? - 1119

How does one determine a flying aeroplane, whether it is friend or foe? - 2763

How many fools are among Israel? - 506

How does the government profit from the sale of stamps? - 2100, 2101

How does one shave a man whose head is shaking? - 2219

How does a train move with neither horses to draw nor porters to push? - 2118

If a person lacks one of his senses (limbs), will that be compensated? - 2114

The Kaiser's shoes are made of gold. How are they protected when he walks in the mud? - 2104

The moon is densely populated. How crowded it must be when it is waning! 2125

The sun is motionless and the earth moves since Yoshua ordered the sun to stand still. - 2124

What is the distance between Brzesc and Warsaw? - 200 kilometers. And what is the distance between Warsaw and Brzesc? - 2119

What is of greater importance, reading or writing? - 2116

What would happen if all men were united in one man, if all trees were united in one, all axes united in one...? - 2109

What kind of character is a man who drinks a sweet tea with a lump of sugar in his mouth? - 889 .

What is the purpose of a handkerchief? - 2105

What is a telegraph for and how does it work? - 2112

Where do we know from that the cantors are fools? - 503

Where do the rains come from? - 2115

Who was the first Jew who had to run his business in the name of a gentile? (Pun). - 2063

Who is greater than who? - 621

Why are you afraid of war? - There are always two possibilities. - 2126

Why do Americans need suspenders when they walk with their heads down and their feet up? - 2218

Why is the bier equipped with two poles and the wedding canopy with four? - 1593

Why does the dog wag its tail? - 2121

Why does one get drunk from drinking wine? - 545

Why are the Egyptians black? - 155

Why did God create Adam first and only then Eve? - 1547

Why did God create man's nostrils declining? - 2107

Why did God order Moses that the Sons of Israel keep themselves apart from their wives during the three days preceding the presentation of the Tora? - 1671

Why did God take from Job everything except his wife? - 1546

Why does God send snow in winter and not in summer? - Why are the rich given all the money and the childbearing women twins, and the barren women no children at all? - 2089 (1872)

Why does hair gray before the beard? - 2122

Why is the hen preferred by the gentile and not the pig? - 258

Why did Israel make a golden calf in the desert? - 2965

Why does the Kaiser collect all kinds of taxes? - 2113

Why did Lot become a drunkard? - 873

Why did Lot settle in Sodom? - 872

Why are there more oxen than horses although oxen are consumed and horses are not. - 1005

Why did the sages intercalate a month of Adar and not a month of Tammuz? - 2111

Why does one say "drunken 1ike Lot" and not "drunken 1ike Noah"? - 871

Why is the sea salty? - 2123

Why does a slice of bread always fall on its buttered side? - 1010, 2227

Why did the sons of Jacob demand of the inhabitants of Nablus to be circumcised? - 2071

Why were turnips eaten on Tuesdays only? - 2106

Why was the Western Wall of the Temple saved when all the others were destroyed? - 2602

Instigator. (see also: "parson(s)", "priest(s)")

I. claims that the God of the Jews is hiding from them. - 1950

I. claims that the Jews must accept the other religion according to Jewish law which says: "Follow the crowd..." (Ex. 23; 2-3). - 2002

I. tries to persuade Jews to believing in a God born without a father. 2004

Instructions

I. followed literally. - 289

Interest

Lenin, the i. on "The Capital" of Karl Marx. - 2807

Invention

I. in Tel-Aviv replacing telegraph and telephone: The rumour. - 2621

Israel. (see also:"Jew(s)")

I., it is feared may be outlawed in Russia. - 1890

I. are saints. They filch, pinch and swipe but none of them is a thief. 1342

I. are used to transgress the explicit prohibition: "Thou shalt not steal." - 1345

I.'s business decreases from one year to the next. - 13

I.'s customs rejected by heretics. - 1880

I.'s marvellous luck on Rosh Hashanah. - 1841

I'.s. trade is unsuccessful compared with that of the gentiles. - 2

I.'s troubles. - 14

The number of I. turning to Zionism increases with the spreading of antisemitism. - 3107