Jan and Trijntje lived under a chamber pot. One night there was such a violent storm that the pot was blown over and broke. Jan, who wasn't very eloquent, was stammering a bit.

He said, "Us leave and ask shelter at the nearest farmer."

"Okay," Trijntje said.

They knocked on the door of a farmer's house. "Would there be any room for usT

"Sure."

But because Jan was such a gigantic eater, Trijntje said to him, "When I kick your foot, make sure you put your spoon down."

"All right, Trijntje," Jan said.

But this farmer also had a tremendously fat dog.

When they were having their meals, this dog walked past them under the table and kicked Jan's foot. Jan threw down his spoon in anger. He thought, Well, Trijntje, now you won't have any more either. And he kicked Trijntje's foot.

In the early days, there were beds and box beds next to each other in the room. When they all went to bed, the farmer and his wife were in one bed, and Jan and Trijntje in the other.

Then Jan said, "Why you kick my foot?"

"I didn't do that," Trijntje said, "it must have been the dog. But why did you kick my foot?"

"I thought," he said, "you wouldn't have any more either."

Then Trijntje said, "I know where the porridge is kept. I'll first eat my stomach full in the cellar, and then I'll return to you with a big spoonful."

In the early days there were tremendously large kettles of porridge. Trijntje ate her stomach full in the cellar and then returned with a large spoon full of porridge. But she walked over to the wrong bed! The one the farmer and his wife were in. And the farmer was just about to break wind.

"Pprrff!" said the farmer.

"My dear Jan," Trijntje said, "it isn't hot."

A brief silence followed.

"Pprrff!" said the farmer.

"But Jan," she said, "there's no need to blow."

But the farmer said, "Pprrf!"

Then she said, "If you do that again, Jan, I'll smack you on the butt with this spoon full of porridge."

A moment later, there was the sound again. "Pprrff!" said the farmer.

And then she decided to hit him. She smacked him on the butt with the spoon full of porridge, and the porridge went flying in all directions. It was only then that she noticed she was standing next to the wrong bed.

"Jan, Jan, quickly, run," she called.

In the old days, there were doors consisting of two halves, and Jan rammed out the entire lower half of the door in his flight.

Trijntje said, "Take it along, take it along, Jan, it'll give us a roof over our heads."

All right, along came the door.

In the forest, there was a large oak tree, which they climbed into. They held the door over their heads. There came along three robbers. They had a huge heap of money with them. Under the tree, they began to divide the loot.

After a while, Trijntje said, "I have to take a leak."

"Well," said Jan, "Just pee downwards."

The robbers said, "Heavenly water is falling down."

Some time later, she had to do a number two.

Then she said, "Jan, I have to relieve myself."

"Just shit downwards," Jan said.

Thereupon the robbers said, "Heavenly mustard is falling down."

Some time later, Jan said, "I can no longer hold on to this door, Trijntje'l"

Trijntje then said, "Just drop it."

He threw the door down.

Then the robbers said, "Heavenly doors are falling down!"

And then they became so frightened that they ran for it and left all the money. The couple climbed out of the tree and took the money along.

"There we are," Jan said, "this will hire us a nice farm, Trijntje!"

They hired a nice farm, but Jan didn't know how to milk the cows. Trijntje had to do the milking. One morning they came home to see the cows lying in the field, ruminating satisfactorily.

Then she said, "Jan, when I come to the animals in the morning, they are constantly taking the piss out of me." And she added, "If they do it again, I'll cut all their heads off tomorrow morning."

Thereupon she sharpened the knife. The next morning, the animals were lying in the field again, ruminating contently. Believe it or not, she then cut off all the animals' heads!

They had now come to the point that they had only one side of bacon left.

Jan said, "We should keep that for the long splinter."

He meant, for the long winter. While Jan was out, a tall, skinny fellow came along.

Trijntje asked, "Are you the long Splinter?"

"Yes," the guy replied.

"Well, Jan did say there is one side of bacon left, and you should have it."

Jan returned home that night.

She said, "I gave the last side of bacon to the long Splinter."

"Dear," Jan said, "now we have nothing left."

So then Jan and Trijntje were forced to go back and live under the chamber pot again.