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Elisheva Schoenfeld INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES F Face(s) F. is covered. Thus man feigns to
have received wounds by robber. - 1651 "F. of Moses" rather than
"hands of Moses." - 570 Jew's f. is a mirror of parson's. -
1954 "Do you only wash your f. and
not your posterior?" - 793 Faces of brothers are so much alike
that one is mistaken for the other. - 2243 Fanatics Religious f. deride
Zionism and its adherents. - 2687 Fate The changing f. of the German and Russian armies in
war. (World War I) - 2770 Father(s) – (see also: "Daughter(s)",
"Letter(s)", "Matchmaker(s)", "Son(s)") F. advises son on the choice of a
job. - 3134 F. asks son about his feelings
towards future parents-in-law. - 1714 F. of the bride almost loses his
coat on way to wedding canopy. - 2084 F. brings young son to village for
him to learn proper German accent. - 2077 F. buys suit for growing son. - 33 F. complains to rabbi about German
soldiers who had impregnated his daughter. - 1016 F. complains that son has converted
to Christianity. Friend reminds him that God's only son had done the same. -
2011 F. to daughter who is about to
spend her wedding night: "Whatever you feel you must shout!" - 3049
F. has so many daughters he cannot
count them any more. - 1698 F. dies with a problem. Will solve
it in Heaven. - 1192 F. explains to son the meaning of "the
struggle of the impulse." - 1315 F. insists on first marrying off
his elder daughter. - 1513 F. was the only Jew. - 1402 F. makes mistake in reading the Haggadah. - 1675 F. Modke
to his son: "How well both of us would have fared had I not known your
mother!" - 1612 F. does not object to son's (a
university student) baptism. - 1436 F. can only pay half the sum
pledged as dowry for daughter. - 1502 F. has pledged dowry to future son-in-law
is however unable to pay. - 1501 F. provides son with envelope
addressed to himself as a reminder for son to write
home. - 356 F. provides son with money. - 1704 F. rebukes modern son for staying
out all night. - 1687 F. rebukes son in the street. On
viewing a general: "If you do not learn and think about nonsense you will
become a general!" - 2053 F. rebukes son for wishing to be
happy with future wife. - 1705 F. rejoices when informed that son
has married a dumb girl. - 1538 F. reluctant to marry off his
hunchbacked daughter. - 3023 F. reminds son who is on his way to
meet future bride that he must also have a look at the family. - 1508 F. reprimands son whose engagement
has been cancelled and who must return the money for the engagement ring and
the kisses which had been given in vain. - 3025 F. and son burn their mouths. -
1676 (284) F. and son buy goods in town. - 83 F. and son climb a hill. - 1710 F. has son learn a trade. - 126 F. and son on Seder Night. - 240 F. and son visit prospective fat
bride. - 3021 F. and spendthrift son. - 12 F. takes son to high-school. - 1006
F. to teacher complaining about the
small present he received at the circumcision ceremony: "A child born a
gentile becomes a Jew at the hand of the circumciser but becomes a gentile at
the hand of a teacher. - 561 F. teaches son: "A barking dog
does not bite," but runs away when a dog barks at him. - 1708 F. had never thought about the
registration of his son's real birthday. - 2223 F. will turn in his grave when son
is converted. - 1411 F. wants his modern son to put on
phylacteries and mourn the destruction of the Temple from first to ninth of
Av. - 1681 F. wants son to buy wine without
money. Son offers empty bottle: "Fill your glass from empty bottle."
- 2871 F.'s anger about son's generation.
- 711 F.'s belief in son's future success
as literary critic. - 581 F.'s disappointment in son. - 1707 F.'s feet are dirtier than son's
since f. is
thirty years older. - 2849 F.'s little notebook. - 77 A good f. - 2919 "Nobody's" f. - 2923 "He had only one f.,"
says little Hersheli to big Major Stapinski. - 1963 Polish Jewish f. explains to son
the meaning of a Lithuanian Jew nicknamed "crosshead". - 2690 Provincial f. ignorant of city's social
life. - 736 Rich Lithuanian father drives to
far Poland for a pale hunchbacked husband of honorable family for daughter
(Parable of the coachman). - 1519 Father-in-law (see also: "Son-in-law") F. and husband of daughter come to
blows over dowry and support of young couple. - 1718 F. had pledged ten years of support
of young couple however claims that ten days equal ten years. Son-in-law
leaves wife since she had not born him any children during that period. -
1715 F. had pledged three years of
support but son-in-law leaves after two years and claims payment for the
missing period. - 1716 F. explains to son-in-law: "Whatever
I own I owe to others." - 78 F. wants to cancel the support of
the young couple. - 1719 Field F. of leguminous plants arouses
dream of riches. - 1903 Finger(s) F.-nails are created for
scratching. - 2869 Fingers of poor man created for
spilling drop of wine for each plague. - 2994 F. are used
for counting. - 2137 Two f. cut of for being unfit for
military service. - 2946 First born F. cannot believe death of younger
brother. - 1175 (1250) Fish F. unequally divided causes debate
on table manners. - 830 F. forbidden to person running a
temperature. - 236 "F. loves water" and
"porc loves brandy." - 2046 F. thrown out of Wisla River on Sabbat eve. -
2656 (590) F. have
become used to treatment of grandmother in the course of fifty years. - 980 No f. in village inn since there is
no river. - 804 Two f. and five loaves of bread
satisfy five thousand. (Matt. 14; 13-21). - 2031 Question: "How does one
cook two f. in three pots while the f. are remaining
whole?" - 308 Fishmonger F. claims to have not one single
stinking fish. - 3143 F. discovers stolen fish protruding
under too short a capote. - 1353 Food (see also: "Eating", "Restaurant")
F. and drink of army (German or
Russian in World War I) determine victory in battle. - 2770 F. will be enjoyed after two days
of fasting. - 160 F. won by eating frogs. - 739 Forbidden f. eaten "in
retaliation of gentile's eating Sabbat pastry."
- 1736 Fool(s) (see also: "Chelm
and its people", "Thankful fool") F. accuses his wife for having
rented a house close to where a fire rages. 1090 F. is asked by employer to get him
a pair of shoes. Brings one sandal and one shoe. - 1096 "A f. 'on condition' and a f.
'on no condition'." - 1155 F. convinced that he is cheating the
post office by throwing letter without stamps into the letter box. - 1097 F. is enjoying himself by day and
weeping by night. - 2233 F. envies cripple without legs
since the latter has never cold feet. - 2178 F. finds that one feather is hard
to sleep on. Thinks a full pillow would be unbearable. - 2145 F. finds fault with God's creation.
He'd prefer his wife laying eggs instead of bringing forth living babies. -
2120 F. is glad that fire has broken out
at night and lightens the environment. Otherwise he would not have known
where to bring the water. - 2102 F. is glad fire has burned the bugs
together with his house. - 2175 F. informed that his father has
died does not believe it. - 1250 (1175) F. introduced to prospective
in-laws hardly opens his mouth for hiding his stupidity. - 1124 F. knows he is a f. - 1148 F. in priest's clothes does not
know himself. - 1139 F. lightens three candles all at
once. They should burn the whole night since one would burn for one third of
the night only. - 1092 F. makes knots in handkerchief so
that he should remember the tunes he had learned. - 1116 F. regrets he had not eaten the
last five matse balls (out of thirty) for those
would have satisfied him. - 1136 F. returns in the evening. Nods head
when asked from the inside: "Is that you outside?" - 1101 F. seeks money lost in mud by night
with lantern in a clean street. - 1091 (309) F. is not on speaking terms with
dog which had torn his pants. Dog laps up the milk. - 1100 F. strikes all matches in order to
try them. - 1099 F. touches person in darkness
several times in different positions and believes person to be huge. - 981 F. uncertain about his foot. - 1138
F. urinates from balcony down into
the street and stops when people pass by. Is afraid they'd pull him down by
the jet. - 1127 "A f. will never be wise."
- 1156 The dispute with a
f. is an exhausting business. - 1150 The "double f." is caught
transferring flour from others's sacks into his own. – 1331 (90) The greatest f. is the commander-in-chief.
- 2779 Hitler makes a greater f. of
himself than Chaplin. - 3062 Literal f. - 1113, 1114 "Summer f." and "winter
f." - 1154 Talkative f. - 1123 "When you said" 'f.' you
clearly mentioned our king." - 2780 "Who is a f.?
- He who loses everything which is given to him." (Hagiga
3b). - 1115 "Why do you deceive a f.? (yourself)" - 664 Fools are fond of sweets. - 835 F. of the present and sages of the
past. - 1853 (436) Three f. there were... - 56 Two f. One laughs when the other falls
over a stone. - 2232 "The wise men of Wilna are f." - 1857 Foolish Questions (see also: "Inquisitive fool(s)")
It says: "The gates of tears
are never closed." So what are they for? - 1157 One has five thousand dinars and another five daughters. Who is the richer? -
1697 What does a Jew need his feet for?
(pun). - 2154 What is the sense in cutting finger
nails on the eve of Sabbat? - 2869 When do husband and wife enjoy
themselves, each one separately and the two of them together? - 1658 When does an old man without teeth
have tooth ache? - When a dog bites him. 713 Who installed the cantors? (pun). - 500 . Why are beasts placed next to man
(in Psalm 36; 7)? - 1197 Why do we, call Sukkot
"the time of our joy?" - 1657 Why is a cow
just called "beast"? (with added meaning of rude person) - 3113 Why is the date for a wedding fixed
after the counting (of Omer)? - 1494 Why is a dead person honoured by being carried? - 1632 Why were doughnuts made in form of
triangles? - 831 Why are we forbidden to wear
sandals on Yom Kippur? - 1361 Why did God strike the Egyptians by
gnats and failed doing so by Hassidim? - 661 Why does the Haggada
place the wise son together with the evil one and not with the fool? - 1151 Why is a horse frightened by an automobile?
- 2228 Why did Israel not eat stewed fruit
on weekdays excepting Tuesday? - 2106 Why did the Lord not curse the
stepmother? - 1713 Why does the Mishna
write "dumb, fool and little" in that order? - 1149 Why does a newly wedded man not
join the army? -He has a war at home. - 1590 Why is a man particularly joyous
when looking at the sons of his sons? - 1677 Why has a small and stout man such
a big stomach? - 283 Why does man sometimes wash his
face and hands but never his feet? - 2848 Why have the poor Jews so many
children? - 189 Why is a poor man forbidden to eat
cream? - 188 Why must a poor man observe all the
commandments starting with "Thou shall not",
and the rich are not required to do so? - 232 Why did the prayers of our fathers
take a long time and those of our sons are as fast as lightening? - 1685 Why have so many rabbis hernia? -
424 Why does' a religious Jew go out
with prayer shawl and phylacteries? - 1782 Why do rich men prefer giving alms
to a poor and crippled man and not to a scholar? - 215 Why must tobacco be burnt, and why
is it loyed by men? - 2708 Why are two Yudim
together the symbol for "God"? (pun) - 1883 Why do all the visitors get uP when the babe is being circumcised? - 2074 Why do we remember the clay and the
bitter herbs on Passover night and not the "many possessions"? -
2226, (1591) Football Is f. on Sabbat
a transgression of the law or a good deed? - 2617 Foreseeing "Foresee the possible
event." - 176 Four Gountries F.C. (Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, Zeboiim) mistaken for
the Council of F.G. - 369 "Fourteen Points" of Woodrow Wilson "Fourteen Points" of
Woodrow Wilson and "Ten Commandments" of Moses. - 3169 Friend(s) F. is asked for a loan. – 59, 62 F. defines "hate for
nothing" (for no reason). - 1886 "Am I your f. because I am an
ass, or am I an ass because I am your F.?" 2241 Friends meet again after many
years. - 3047 (1699) Funeral (see also: "Undertaker(s)", "Widow(s)",
"Widower(s)") F. of Karassin
is as expensive as the funeral of the whole Bolshevic
Central Committee together would be. - 2808 F. of a man distinguished by
suffering. - 3163 |