Elisheva Schoenfeld

INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION

 OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES

 

G

Gallstones

G. removed by surgery reminds patient of "Do not have two different stones (weights) in your bag." (Deut. 25; 13) - 2225

Gambler(s)

G. has marked cards and wins the games. - 1323

Gamblers quarrel among themselves. - 2235

Generals

The Jewish g. of the French army were responsible for the defeat of the Germans in World War I. - 2784

Generation

Corrupted g. is signified by the cohanim taking a walk in the cemetery. - 692

Gentile(s) (see also: "Jew(s)")

G. accuses Jews of having tortured (killed) their god. - 2014, 2015

G. arouses five problems in eating salted herring. - 837

G. asks Jew to bless him and his prophet. - 2026

G. complains that Jew does not take off his hat in front of icon. Jew claims he had known it as a piece of wood. - 2016

G. is crazy after wine; a Jew, God forbid, is not. - 867

G. derides Jew riding with head towards rear of animal. - 2069

G. may err (in matters of diet). - 1241

G. insults Jew who retaliates with indecent gesture. - 1932

G. and Jew; commercial connections. Payment to be made on arrival of Messias. - 89

G. and Jew contemplate gallows. - 1974, 1975

G. and Jew on a garden bench. G. admires the green of trees. - 1971

G. and Jew. What is the head of each one for? - 111

G. and Jew in restaurant; the one eats fish, the other pore cutlet. - 2046

G. laborer and Jewish laborer. - 3052         .

G. does not let apartment to Jew. - 3059

G. maiden married by Jewish boy serves as his cure. - 3056

G. may be miser and reluctant in paying five rubles fine for slaying a Jew. - 1890

G. professor does not know remedy for a disease two thousand years old. - 913

G. sitting on a garden bench does not permit a Jew to sit there too. - 1970

G. tax collector comes to teacher of small children. - 1112

G. tests three times the sickle he buys from Jew. - 1365

G. woman or Jewess has come to paradise? A renegade is able to "smell" the difference. - 1425

G. woman's milk permitted to Jews. - 3055

"A 1ittle fellow of theirs is more of a g. than I," said an old renegade censor of Hebrew literature. - 1408

God of g. was consumed by fire; god of Jews is still living. - 2017

If the pale-faced, hunchbacked and narrowbreasted g. were a Jew he would be a great master. - 362

Mead is prepared by g. and bee. - 886

Thirsty g. drinks three glasses. When Jew is thirsty he is afraid he has diabetes. - 2081

Two g. women of the rabbi; the one for meat (flesh), the other for milk. - 606

Gentiles ask rabbi to pray for two harvests a year. - 2041

G. claim Jewish barkeeper to be foolish. - 888

G. destroy the Jew's inn. (Chain of accidents). - 2060

G. preceded the Jews in appropriating three beautiful gifts from Heaven. - 1609

G. profit by their trade but Jews do not. - 2

G. remove stone from way; Jews wait until work is done. - 3051

G. riot against Jews. One Hassid to another: "Why does your rabbi do nothing about it?" - 3016

G. are like trees, Jews like thistles. - 1969

G. want to hear Jewish jokes. - 2082

G. wonder why Jews do not convert to their religion. - 2020

Even g. are circumcised in Erets Israel. - 2610

Fifty g. in Katriliwke which has three hundred Jewish families. - 2056

How the g. set the train in motion. - 2118

If the g. were given the Tora. - 1947

King's guard comprised of tall g. - 461

Purim the great holyday of the g. - 2018

Two g. are better than one Litwak. - 2689

Gipsy

G. is not redhaired but still a swindler. - 1312

G. sells horse after he had driven a nail into one of its feet. - 1313

Girl (see also: "Maiden(s)")

G. enters shop shortly after Sabbat and buys half a pint of kerosene. - 28

G. working in citrus grove prunes one branch too much. Reprimanded be proprietor (pun). - 2960

Little g. claims she cannot dance in Hebrew but only in German. - 3153

Glutton (see also: "Beggar(s)")

G. claims angels to be unnecessary during meal on outgoing Sabbat. - 810

G. claims he can eat thirty dumplings but eats only twenty-five. (Last five dumplings satisfy.) - 819, 1136

G. invited by Hassid for Purim takes number of pancakes in relation to "Ehod mi yodea", ("one who knows"). - 812

G. loves to eat a lot of the best food (Kuschlewski). - 824

G. on Seder Night demands dumplings first before reading the Haggadah, abbreviates the reading and goes to sleep. - 81

When g. eats everything and everyone are dead to him. - 815

Goat (see also: "Chelm and its people", "Teacher(s)")

G. must get accustomed to smell of Jew's house. - 2852

G. is bought for sick rabbi. - 387

G. bought by teacher believed to give three liters per day. - 551

G. will not die if its skin is pledged to charity. - 183

G. bound to gate of bankrupt man. - 95

G. led out of room which then seems no more crowded. - 192

G. cannot stand the smell of Jew. - 2851

Good billy g. marked by soft udder; long tail and big horns. - 1104

"Male g. or billy g." - 2603

Male g. mistaken for billy g. - 182, 1104

Sick g. does not drink and dies. Man drinks great amount of wine since he does not want to die. - 843

God(s)

G. asked every nation whether it wanted to accept the Tora. - 1858

G. had breasts grown on man to suckle babe. - 1871

G. and cheese, both are allegories in Soviet Russia. - 2826

G. created boundaries between His realm and that of man. Trespassing is punished. - 2013

G. created the pleasures of this world for amusing the idiots and the ignoramusses. - 408

G. feeds the overholy with meat of unslaughtered leviathan. - 400

G. hears heretics' conversations. - 1829

G. helps (with rain) when amount of milk is to be enlarged. - 54

G. humbles the wealthy. - 224

G. likened to coachman. - 3127

G. loves the Jews. - 1950

G. pays his host of angels as much as a poor community its four rabbis. - 402

"G. will provide" for Modke's children in the future. - 4

G. does not see him, neither does he see G. - 1420

G. provides the rich and the poor with different supplies for Passover. -2994

"G. never soils His hand by picking up money lost in filth." - 334

"G. (R. Meir) can't take a joke." - 996

Houses of Jew and Christian alike have been burned down. So has the G. of the latter while the G. of the former is still in existence. - 2017

If G. had created ice on river in Tammuz, it would have been better. - 1872, (2089)

If G. were to punish Alexander III He had him carry a Jew's passport in Petersburg. - 1930

"If there is a G. one must pray and weep," says Blumenthal, "But if there is no G. one must weep the more." - 1830

"If G. wills, even a broom (stick) shoots." - 2773, 2747

A miracle happened to G. on Rosh Hashanah: Abraham did not kill Isaac. - 1841 There is no G. but there is a law and a judge in the universe. - 1855

Many gods were reduced to three by Christians. Jews could never make such a reduction. - 2008

Goldsmith

Foolish g. appointed to fictitious office. - 1836

Governor

G. of Wilna visits the synagogue which had been cleaned for the guest. - 2841

New g. also invites Jews to a festivity held in his honor. Anti-Semitic remarks. - 1940

New provincial g. claims to be a second Haman. - 1939

Tyrannical g. Zinowjew of Petersburg compared with Marat. - 2809

Graf

G. ignorant of Jewish rites outbids wealthy man of the community in buying the calling up to the Tora. - 2061

G. orders his Jew to buy a fox (-terrier). Jew ignorant of kinds of dogs. - 19

G. visits Rothschild while latter is busy with studying a ledger. The banker absentmindedly offers two chairs to his visitor. - 2064

Drunken g. torments his Jewish taxcollector and orders him to make swimming motions before his guests. - 1919

Polish g. borrows money from Jew but "is late" in paying the debt. - 73

Polish g. borrows money from Jew, signs promissory note and has Jew swallow it. - 71

Polish g. to Jewish winedealer on day of Zionist convention: "Onions and garlic seem to be expensive today." - 1982

Polish g. is sure Jew does not know him and wants to borrow money. - 72

Graindealer(s)

G. falls down the stairs. - 46

G. having stored grains during drought:" The harvest is good. God have mercy on us." - 45

Two graindealers meet. One curses the other for making the encounter brief. - 1895

Grandfather

G. decries grandson's handwriting. - 695

G. is reluctant to go with grandson und see bullfighters. - 355

Difference between g. and grandson: G. took care not to touch the bread of gentile whereas grandson never cares touching a gentile's daughter. (pun) - 1686

Grandmother

G. is pleased with present generation. None of the young men pester her any more. - 711

Grandson

G. of Esau meets Noah in Heavenly Court. - 3053

G. of famous rabbi only knows two benedictions. - 612

"Great people"

G. p. were never born in his shtetl; only little ones were born there. - 1135

Guard

G. asked to keep an eye on squash leaves, and the squash is stolen. - 1905

G. of pawnbroker's office revered for watching over man's coat and watch. - 3166

G. of pawnbroker's office woken up in the middle of the night by Jew whose watch has been pawned. - 66

Guest(s) (see also: "Beggar(s)", "Inn")

G. from Africa thinks little of Tel-Aviv's summer heat. - 3151

G. of "Bezallel" Art School ridiculed. - 3110

G. finds small letters of the Gemara difficult to read. - 1260

G. of importance says wrong benediction over spice container (pun). - 1184

G. permitted to sing in synagogue has no voice. - 519

G. refuses to be mediator between husband and wife. - 242

G. for Sabbat (Elijah the Prophet). - 2972

G. of Tel-Aviv blesses new port. - 2645

G. in town looking for a doctor. - 3121

Hungry g. and stingy host. - 292