Elisheva Schoenfeld

INDEX TO DRUYAIW' S COLLECTION

OF JOKES AND ANECDOTES

 

D

 

Daughter(s) (see also "Matchmaker(s)", "Father(s)", "Mother(s)")

D. of banker married to convert. - 1413

D. of beggar given in marriage to son of beggar. - 280

D. of clever but unattractive eye specialist Jacobsohn and comely but foolish mother is neither clever nor comely. - 1702

D. of coachman given in marriage to scholar. - 1775

D. of community leader, a fallen maiden. - 2224

D. of Hirshl beaten by father and husband. -2142

D. of the house and her yeshiva student. - 3024

D. of Jewish baron married to renegade. - 1414

D. of one beggar refused by another for latter's son. - 181

D. of rabbi betrothed to rich man's son. - 1503

D. reprimanded by father for taking wine for the care of her hair. - 842

D. of water carrier sent to duke for pleasure and returned a virgin. - 955

D.'s divorce. Returns to father unlike money which never returns. - 1700

He gives his d. in marriage and his wife as mother-in-law. - 1724

One d. is unclean and the other waiting to be soiled. - 1699

Daughters hidden from Cossacks. - 712

Eight d. - 3046

Five d. or five thousand gold coins. - 1697

Three d. are too many a sign for a son to be born. - 1696

Dead

D. brother was the younger. - 1175

D. father was deaf. - 1133

D. gentiles. - 3073

D. Jew arrives in otherworld. - 1819

D. man identified by stutter. - 1047

D. man not mourned by preacher. - 489

D. must be buried immediately. - 1169

D. thief buried upon one word of praise. - 1379

D. wife mourned by husband. - 1636

D. wife of teacher. - 1110

D. woman must be carried out of the house in spite of herself. - 1632

D. woman's revival. - 1584

The d. and the cohanim have changed. - 692

The d. will not come to another funeral. - 1908

Absurd ideas about the d. - 1047, 1133

Blessing of the d. - 488

Customer is d. for salesman. - 171

If the d. man could see the praises on his tombstone he would think himself in the wrong place. - 3162

Neither d. nor alive. - 22, 2996

Dealer(s) (see also "Merchant(s)", "Shopkeeper(s)")

D. of antiquities refuses to buy old pants. - 2864

D. of flax announces his intention of taking a rest abroad without the wife. - 1665

D. of perfume bankrupts, and his shop stinks. - 114

D. of textiles buys goods and asks for ninety days' credit. - 24

D. of textiles buys goods and dries his signature on promissary note with sand. - 81

D. of textiles buys goods from gentile. Latter is derided for dealing with Jew who would have him wait for money "until the coming of the Messias" .- 89

D. of textiles buys goods from gentile and signs promissory note in Hebrew.- 84

D. of textiles as witness in court tests cloth of table on which he is to take an oath. - 3141

Death (see also: "Dead", "Dying")

D. of the hakham's loud-mouthed wife. - 1582

D. of horse. - 141

D. message softened by equivocation. - 1596, 2010

D. of a mitnaged enjoyed by Hassidim. - 672

D. of one-eyed man should be easy: has to shut but one eye. - 2179

D. of poor Jew in Nissan preferred to d. of gentile. - 238

D. by printing error feared. - 908

D. sentence. - 1423

D. of third wife. Old man intends to marry again. - 708

D. of wife likened to eating of horseradish. -1578

D. of wife. Widower refuses sympathy. - 1636

"After d. the female is beautiful." - 1631

Before his d. man bequeathed fortune to three of his friends on condition that each of them puts a present into his grave. - 1316

Date of d. foretold. - 1577

"If the d. of one of us precedes the other I shall go to Erets Israel." - 1633

Untimely d. - 57

Why the Jews are afraid of d. - 2034

Debtor (see also: "Merchant(s)"; "Shopkeeper(s)")

D. does not intend to pay neither in pounds nor in pennies. - 2626

D. invites creditor to kiss his navel. - 107

D. returned by consul to country of origin. - 2627

Decree(s)

Anti-Jewish d. in Russia in 1861. - 1890

Anti-Jewish d. in Russia: Jews are confined to live in the Pale. - 1924

Defeat

Alternating d. and victory of Germans and Russians depends on food and drink provided to participants in war. - 2770

Defendent (see also: "Judge(s)")

D. accused of falsifying papers claims that he is neither a chemist nor a lawyer. - 1325

D. accuses plaintiff of causing him to commit perjury. - 119

D. has kept his promise: has not returned the loan on time. - 118

Delegate(s)

D. is guest of leader of community. Finds his suitcase to be locked with two locks. - 491

D. from Jerusalem comes to Odessa. Rich man asks him to return the Tora to Mount Sinai. - 1865

D. of "Joint" is rude towards refugees of World War I in Baranowitsch. -2705

D. of Keren Hayessod in Germany makes Jew "escape" to Palestine. - 2671

D. of Keren Kayemet tells students in Poland about the wonders of Palestine. - 2609

D. from Palestine comes to Warsaw for raising funds. - 3150

D. of yeshiva asks rich miser for a donation. Latter refuses and former says a blessing. - 342

Delegates of Keren Hayessod are claimed to be walking on four and making no sound. (riddle). - 2672

D. from all over the world come to Switzerland for a discussion on peace. 2080

No d. sent to Mars signifies that Mars is a desert. - 2216

Delinquent(s) (see also: "Judge(s)"; "Rabbi as Judge")

D. arrested during the Sukkot week for having an affair with married woman. - 2998

D. eats bread and cracknels without first washing hands. - 1731

D. "invited" by authority to sit (in prison). - 1374

D. sentenced to 40 strokes gets only 20 since he is bleeding all over. - 1372

D. sentenced to 20 lashes promises 20 shekel to executioner if latter would deal the lashes softly. - 1906

D. after serving prison term sits in mourning for his wife's child who is not his. 1376 (1366)

D. at Sukkot does not eat in the booth since he objects to complying with the demands of the wise. - 1733

D. refuses any kind of penance except not being called up to the Tora for a length of time. - 1789

Rich d. dances with Tora scroll on Simhat Tora since he owes his riches to it. - 120

Dentist

D. makes patient open his mouth for extraction of tooth. - 940

Department store (see also: "Warehouse")

D. in Bolshevic Moscow is bigger than that in Berlin but nothing inside. - 2823, 2824.

Dialog

D. between God and poor man. - 198

Difference(s)

D. between Jewish father marrying off his daughter and gentile one in same situation. - 1491

D. between a thirsty gentile and a thirsty Jew. - 2081

D. between visitor and husband: visitor has not taken off his shoes. - 962

D. between work and possessions. - 2240

D. between pessimist and optimist. - 2239

Differences of opinion. - 158

Dignitary(ies) (see also: "Leader(s) of Community")

D. of Vilna succeeds in divorcing his wife. Refuses to remarry. - 1644

Dignitaries ask the rabbi for a license of begging after the latter had preached on charity. - 302

D. are invited to the new drama performed on the stage of Erets Israel but are bored. - 3154

D. and rabbi prevent Moshe Yog from divorcing his wife. - 1643

Disastrous hesitation

D.h. - 3118

Disguise

Man may wear many disguises but if he dresses like a hassidic rabbi and collects redemption money he is a real rabbi. - 629

Dispute

D. of R. Levy Yitshak and R. Shne'ur Zalman over "ve-shameru" (they will watch/keep) in the evening prayer. - 2416

D. on religion. Clergyman to Mendelsohn: "Since you believe in the father you should also believe in the son as you do so in the son of a rich 1iving father." - 2003

D. on religion. Which of two religions is to be preferred? (Parable) - 2038

D. of Jews and Karaites: Who preceded whom? Jews show that they came first. 2688

Disturbances in Palestine in 1936

Arab leaders promise British government officials that there would be peace within five days if they withdrew their troupes. - 2679

One British official to another (High Commissionar): "Permit me to expel two persons, and there will surely be peace." - 2681

Division

D. of food and fever. - 1562

Doctor(s) (see also: "Drunkard(s)", "patient(s)")

D. advises old man to give up drinking as he would lose his eyesight. - 3123

"D. believes it's impossible that a Jewish child has fallen from priest's ladder. - 893

D. bleeds the rabbi. - 397

D. enlightens fool about duration of pregnancy. - 2098

D. examines patient's mental capacity after fall from third floor. - 1888

D. gives up hope of old man's recovery. - 697, 1723

D. of the Health Service. - 2845

D. ignorant of Jewish rites and prayers is assisted by reader of Tora in the synagogue. - 1204

D. and mad patient. - 1166

D. and matchmakers. - 1521

D. and old lady. - 935

D. orders mother to show him child's soiled napkin: "It's my bread." - 948

D. and preacher. - 3007

D. having predicted death of patient meets him recovered. - 916

D. prescribes enema for gluttonous patient. - 816

D. prescribes milk for sick rabbi. - 387, 406

D. prohibits drunkard from drinking more wine. Since his body is used to the drink he is given an enema with wine. - 846

D. puts thermometer into talkative woman's mouth. - 1536

D. is recommended. - 3121

D. recommends bathing of sore foot. - 923

D. sends healthy soldier on sick leave. - 2736

D. sends fat wife to Marienbad. - 1639

D. and sick child. - 1266

D. and student. Diagnosis by observation. - 906

D. (gynaecologist) visited by patient with lung disease. - 1540

D. warns Brodes of danger of drinking alcoholic drinks. - 883, 884

D.'s examination of young man for military service. - 1123

D.'s instructions followed literally. - 289, 1334, 3077

D.'s instructions to patient. Latter wonders what he needed a d. for. - 891

D.'s language. - 2954

D.'s mistake is covered by earth, painter's hangs on the wall for hundreds of years. - 2496.

D.'s prescription and miser. - 320

D.'s prescription eases constipation. - 928

D.'s sign: "Treatment without charge for poor people." - 941

D.'s urine analysis. - 946, 947

D.'s visit of sick man. - 1628

Jewish d. at court of Ludwig XVIII. - 1997

Doctors likened to the spirits of the dead. - 917

D. are the partners of the angel of death. - 918

D. and pharmacists also want to live (on Caleb's headache). - 919

D. prescribe meat of unclean animal. - 1429

Appendix more needed by d. than by patients. - 3122

Immigration of d. from Germany to Erets Israel. - 2629

Doctor (title)

D. phil. mistaken for d. med. - 458, 942

Dog(s)

D. barks like house owner. - 530

D. bites wife. It is feared that the d. is going to be mad. - 1551

D. causes series of misfortunes. - 1652

D. in a Jewish home is a paradox. - 3146

D. knows to bark in Swiss language. - 2956

D. will be better kaddish to heretic than latter has been to his father. - 1771

"A barking d. does not bite." Father is not sure whether d. is aware of that and runs away. - 1708

Black d. blocks the way of soldiers. - 2728

"Every d. is an antisemite." - 1964

The numerical value (gematria) of "d." is 52. - 2168

The price of a d. - 19

Why does the d. waggle its tail? - 2121

Dogs are feared by renegade. - 1407

"D. and Jews used to be hanged together in former times." - 1962

D. of Kraslava guard the fools of Druja from the thieves of Dunaburg. - 1086

D. have a permit for residing in Petersburg. - 1927

D. do not wait for the rabbi to say the charm. - 677

Dowry (see also: "father(s)"; "Father(s)-in-law"; "Matchmaker(s)")

D. deposited. Son-in-law foresees bankruptcy of rich depositary. - 103

Dream(s)

"D.-cake". - 825

D.: Man wishes he may lose an eye so that his neighbor will be blind. - 1885

D. of marking the treasure with excrement. Only latter part of d. is true. - 2853

D.-question. - 1728

Dreams of riches (air castles) sow discord. - 1903, 1904

Dress

Hershelils d. made of silk in front and of cotton in tee back. - 2141

Drinking. (see also: "Drunkard(s)")

Four manners of d. - 887

Driver

D. in Tel-Aviv is stopped by policeman for speeding. - 2624

Drowning (see also: "Ship"; "Traveller(s)")

D. ancestors did not prevent d'Acosta from travelling by boat. - 2576

D. man only saved when abusing Stalin. - 2816

D. man (Stalin) saved by Jew. - 2815

Fool is almost d. Others advise: "Go out of the water and learn to swim on dry ground!" - 3075

Drunkard(s). (see also: "Doctor(s)", "Wine")

D. accuses house owner of having made side-walk in front of the house and not inside of it. - 866

D. claims that King Solomon drank wine three times a day. - 838

D. to doctor: "You take care of the fever; I take care of the thirst." - 845, (853)

D. downs three glasses in one draught. (Exod. 25; 33) - 858

D. drinks from bottle. - 611, 841

D. drinks before and after crossing bridge. - 851

D. drowns troubles in wine. - 847

D. envies King Solomon who had to bless one thousand wives each with a glass of wine. - 854

D. (Hersheli) explains why he drinks one glass after the other. - 880

D. insists on drinking in spite of doctor's warning. - 883 (884)

D. loses his possessions including goat. - 843

D. prays: "Give me some bread and a dress; the little brandy I need I take myself." - 853, (845)

D. prevented by rabbi from drinking almost dies. Doctor reverses rabbi's decree. - 844

D. reprimanded by rabbi becomes glutton and remains d. - 864

D. reprimands daughter for pouring wine over her head. - 842

D. wakes wife in the middle of the night for getting him brandy. - 868 (3131)

D. wants to be wakened by wife whenever he is thirsty. - 839

D. has only enough wine for the blessing of the entrance together with the immediate outgoing of the Sabbat. - 857

D. wished God had given Egypt four plagues and Israel ten glasses (of wine). - 811

D.'s investigation: Why is the tax on wine higher than that on salt? The mistake of the delegate sent to the Holy Land. - 870

D.'s joy: "I am made of dust and to dust I shall return. In between I have a glass of brandy." - 852

D.'s motto: "Whenever you take brandy from a barman take the best." - 859

D.'s theory: Man should always drink before as well as after the fish. - 849, 850

Four reasons of d. for refusing a glass of wine. - 865

No drunkards under the benches of the synagogue on eve of Yom Kippur. - 2049

Duke. (see also: "Rabbi and gentiles")

D. claims that what the forefathers of the Jews did to Jesus can never be atoned for. - 2013

Dumplings

The last five d. satisfy. - 819, 1136

The importance of d.: a) They are made on feasts dictating strokes; b) symbolize peace after husband and wife have beaten each other; c) stuffed with old meat. - 832

Dying (see also: "Dead", "Death")

D. heretic (Shnitkaver) confesses sins to visiting rabbi. - 1745

D. man wonders: "In summer the days are long, but the prayer book says that the day is short and much work to be done, and in winter it says that the day is great." - 1192

D. Yozi asks for matchmaker who had brought him his wife: "In face of death one must forgive one's enemies." - 1618

Yozi asks his wife to put on her fineries. "Perhaps the Angel of Death will take her who" is more handsome than I." - 1619